lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
