adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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