Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
