I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
