dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
