I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
