You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
