I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
