I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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