i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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