my phone needs a breathalizer
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
