If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
