So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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