You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
