I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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