At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
