I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
