i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
