Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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