Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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