i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
