i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
