Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
