Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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