you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
