Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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