blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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