He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
