I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
