You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
