Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
