you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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