My nipple is on Facebook.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
