Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
