R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Alive.
So much puke
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
