in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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