Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think your dad took our porno
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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