I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
