last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
