so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
