I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
