If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
