I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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