Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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