call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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