I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
