i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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