dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
