remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
