Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
