Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Say something about gay babies.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
