Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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